they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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