last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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