I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
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