ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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