new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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