she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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