The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
