one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
