If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
