Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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