I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
