I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
