I'm really into asian looking animals
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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