her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
