But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
