You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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