Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i now understand why vodka
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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