I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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