trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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