i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
