I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
