yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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