can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
