It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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