you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
