at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
