Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
