ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
