ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
