I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
