Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
