why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
