God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
