Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
