Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
