and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have aggressive nipples.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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