If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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