O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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