Can i not drive my cunt home
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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