If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She bit a glass in half.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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