Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
