So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
