Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
