Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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