I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
