You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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