five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
