Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
