haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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