And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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