I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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