What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
