His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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