Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
