he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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