Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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