Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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