everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
