so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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