It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
