smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
