What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
