I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
