Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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