I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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