i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
