you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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