If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
