And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize