2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
