Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Houston, we have a blender
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so much tequila, so little girl.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
