We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize