3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
