yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
