I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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