Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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