i just google imaged poop.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
