sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
